Thursday, March 26, 2009

All kinds of news

I know you haven't heard from me in a while. Things have been going at the usual crazy pace. Much of what I have to share today isn't new, but for the many thousands of readers who rely on this blog for fair and balanced commentary, it probably will be news.

First, there's a horrible irony to my last post title "Berghoff's will always be there." Sometime after I posted it, the great and inspiring Skippystalin went off the air. At first, I coped pretty well. I think I was in denial. I refused to consider the details of what an internet without Skippy would be like. Plus, I had lots of work to do, but then one evening as I was racing toward a deadline and, as usual, looking for ways to waste time when I really shouldn't, I went to my unofficial Skippy archive to browse some old posts as I often do and I found that both of Skippy's blogs and all of their archives had been deleted (they've been restored since though)! I hadn't seen that coming. Oh fuck! This means that Tards Anonymous is now a bunch of links pointing to nowhere. I will eventually update some of those links wherever I can find cached copies of those old pages. Canada's flag should really have been at half mast that day. They lost one of their greatest national treasures.

On the other hand, there's also good news. The good news is Blackwolf The Dragon Master, New York City's unofficial wizard, is planning his first feature film!

Anybody with a decent education knows who Blackwolf is, but I know that schools today are really fucking retarded and still aren't teaching Ass Jihad, which would inspire more kids to read and write than any of that stupid bullshit they told us was "poetry". And it's also likely that none of them were teaching the work of Skippystalin. So there are probably lots of you who don't know who Blackwolf is. The remedial education of people like you is why I came to the webs in the first place though, so I'll back up to the beginning.

It was Blackwolf who inspired me with the possibility of claiming an unofficial title for myself on Al Gore's interweb. I knew there were probably other Skippystalin fansites out there, but I figured Skippy didn't yet have an unofficial archivist, so that was the title for me. I claimed the title, and it turned out, nobody challenged me for it. That worked out okay. It got me writing about something. It also made me realize how much I do want to write about my own opinions, and retarded thoughts and didn't want to mix my Skippy commentary up with that. I wanted Tards Anonymous to be for all Skippystalin fans, even the ones so morally deficient as to not agree with me on other things. And that led to the organized retardation that you're reading now.

Blackwolf is a hero of Al Gore's interwebs, not a great cultural commentator like Skippy, but he adds the kind of color to the web that you'll never find in other media. That's why it's ironic that it was through the establishment media, via the web that I first learned of him. I was working in Chicago back in 2002 and some coworker downloaded Triump The Insult Comic Dog's Attack of the Star Wars Nerds episode. I don't think I've seen a laughter explosion like the one that collapsed everyone in that office since the late 90's when the Farelly brothers' classic Something About Mary was in theaters. If you haven't seen that, the Triumph nerds episode, or Something About Mary, you need to. One of the people colorfully pooped on in in that episode, when Triumph visited the ziegfield theater in NYC for the Attack of the Clones opening, was The Dragon Master himself.

You can see The nerds attack on Triumph's DVD, which I think you can get at Netflix, but you really should own a copy. I'm against owning things in general, but I have a copy of that disc and the Firefly set (fuck the movie), but that's another story.

Later, Blackwolf recorded a duet with Triumph on the CD Come Poop With Me. From then on, I knew that this unofficial municipal mage was one to keep an eye on. I was right, as I usually am, that's why I still hold the title of Skippy's archivist (until Skippy decides to yank it). Blackwolf is planning I hope he pulls it off. The unofficial wizard title impresses me and anyone else with real culture, but hollywood investors are famous for being assholes. There's an entire HBO show devoted to this fact. I hope somebody decides to back this project, like maybe the Insult Comic Dog. Maybe there can be a part for the dog in the movie. Blackwolf says he may fictionalize some of the details of his youth in Ireland, maybe he could write a foul-mouthed best friend into the story. Everything is better with that dog in it. Just as New York City is better with an unofficial wizard.

Now, I'm off to see a great Buck Owens cover band.

I promise to take my blogging responsibilities as seriously as they merit in the future.

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