Sunday, March 30, 2008

Must hear

If you're not listening to the Savage love-cast every week, you're really missing the point of the whole internet thing. Here are some of the money quotes from this week:

"...Percocet is like tea or pot or crabs, you're just supposed to share Percocet without being asked.

...Abusing perscription drugs is common these days and a taste for Percocet is very common these days. My last birthday cake was frosted with Percocet."

Listen to the Whole thing

Theme Music: Booze, Tobacco, Dope, Pussy, Cars by the Butthole Surfers from Widowermaker

Saturday, March 29, 2008


When I first started Tards Anonymous Skippy said that Acidman was the one who really deserved to have a whole other blog devoted to cataloging his greatest moments. While I couldn't quite agree with that--The one blogger who I keep digging around for that post that I read some time ago about something--that's skippy, but Acidman is important for another reason. About 4 years ago, Acidman had a post about the greatest country songs of all time and he mentioned that Roger Miller was an under-appreciated country singer. I remembered Roger Miller from the Disney Robin Hood flick, which is a great flick and if you don't remember it, you should Netflix it right now, but I decided to go on Rhapsody and check this guy out. In the last 4 years, if you could tally up all of my music listening, you would see Roger Miller's King of the Road boxed set clocking in at about 70% or more of all my music listening time since then. So, I owe Acidman a big one. His tip paid off and then some. All of you who care about Acidman should check out Roger Miller.

Here is a list of the tracks you need to hear before you can claim to know something about music, all of them are on the King of the Road boxed set which you can hear on Rhapsody, or some of you will download it some other way and some of you will go and buy it at a store. If you do any of those things, you'll be really glad you did.

One dyin and a buryin -- this is a horrible song. It's about suicide. It's really soothing. It's so wrong for a song about suicide to be so soothing. If you're into suicide, you'll love this song. If you look back on "Not in Nottingham" from your childhood, you'll recoil in horror from this song, but you'll want to hear it again. And then again, and again. It's a fucked up song, listen to it and you'll know what I'm talking about.

I've Been A Long Time Leavin, But I'll Be A Long Time Gone -- This is just simply the best fucking 2 minutes of music ever fucking recorded. If you don't agree with that, you're probably a turd-fondling kitten molester, really listen to this song and see if it's not the most fun 2 minutes you've ever experienced.

It Happened Just That Way -- This is the happiest song ever recorded. It's a close runner-up to the last song for best couple minutes ever recorded.

Dang Me -- This was one of Roger Miller's first hits. It is about fucking up everything. If you're anything like me, you know about fucking up things, and you've had a good thing once or twice and fucked it up. Anyway this is the fuck-up anthem. Listen to it with whiskey nearby.

The Wrong Kind of Girl -- How many songs have the words "...My life is so wasted on things cheap and bad." in them? Not nearly enough is the answer. Those words just rule. I really wish they had this song on Karaoke. "Dang Me" is in most bars' Karaoke books, but I've yet to see "The Wrong Kind of Girl". It really needs to be there. I would love to Karaoke this song. You all need to listen to it. It will change your life.

You Can't Rollerskate In a Buffalo Herd -- Brilliant!

Okay, the rest, I dont' have so much specific to say about them, but you should give them a listen anyway:

Invitation to the Blues
Lock, Stock and Teardrops -- Fuck you have to hear this one!!!
Poor Little John
When Your House Is Not a Home
The Moon is High and So am I!
Less and Less
Train of Life
The Last Word in Lonesome is Me (this was an old standard before Roger did it, but his version is the best)
Pardon This Coffin
Do Wacka Do (This song is retarded, but in a really good way. Give it a listen)

The majority of my music listening since that day in early '03 sometime when Acidman wrote that post has been guided by Acidman's tip, and I do owe him for that. Roger Miller has been one of the greatest musical discoveries of my life. If you listen to these tracks I've listed here and aren't impressed, you probably don't have a soul and should be sterilized and deported to some really shitty place. That's all. I have to go back to drinking now.

update: I was totally fucked up when I wrote this. I see that I put "fuck you've got to here this one next to some tracks. I don't know if I stand by that sober. I do stand by the list as a whole though. And there's many other good tracks on that set of discs, but these are the best.
Tunes: They Always Look Better When They're Leavin, by Becky Hobbs

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Global Issues

I went in my GMail to add Luke Baggins as an author over at Tards Anonymous and my sponsored link at the top of my inbox said: " - Do you think Paris Hilton can do good in Rwanda?"

To give this question the serious consideration it deserves would require a combination of hard alcohol and laughing gas and whatever prescription Rush Limbaugh is on, but I'll give it a shot anyway.

On one hand, Paris Hilton has proven her ability to flash her cooter at a photographer. The importance of this skill can't be overstated, but a quick look at any of the dog-eared from daily use National Geographics next to my bed reveals that many women in Africa had that skill even before Paris had pubes to shave.

Where there's genocide, there's usually warlords. And where there's warlords there's priviledged warlords' bastard children who enjoy a lifestyle not too different from what Paris is famous for. So it's not clear exactly what Paris brings to the table that they don't already have there.

On the other hand, third-world warlord heiresses are not known for making fuck-tapes of themselves with night-vision. Maybe if they did more of that over there, the economy would boom and the warring factions would all join hands. Maybe Paris is the New Hope for Africa.

Why this blog?

I started Tards Anonymous as a place for Skippystalin fans to meet and share stories of things like where they were when they first read the Long Dong of the Law or which was their favorite ode to one of his many muses. That went well. It got lots of responses, mostly from imaginary readers, and then Skippy himself threw us some links. The problem is that my own views don't always coincide with Skippy's and I wanted that site to be for all Skippy fans, real and imaginary, Satanist and Pastafarian. So I needed another separate place for my own responses to the news that I get from Skippy (that's all of my news in case you were wondering).

Third World Invasions

This article on Immigration by Craig Biddle starts out brilliantly and then runs into some problems.

I won't comment on the brilliant part, other than to say that it's worth reading and you should check it out.

The basic thesis of the article, which I agree with wholeheartedly is in this quote: "...This prohibition [on immigration], however, is un-American and immoral. The basic principle of America—the principle of individual rights—demands a policy of open immigration."

The problem is in the next quote: "Open immigration does not mean that anyone may enter the country at any location or in any manner he chooses; it is not unchecked or unmonitored immigration."

To have a right to any activity is to have a right to the unchecked and unmonitored pursuit of it. The problem would be apparent to most if I said "Free speech doesn't mean unchecked or unmonitored speech." A state which requires all publications to submit to some kind of approval process can claim to uphold free speech, but not honestly.

Open immigration absolutely does mean unchecked and unmonitored immigration. It also means a great big unchecked flood of immigrants. Morally, we have no right to check this flood and practically it's suicidal not to welcome it. The fear of these huddled masses is sustained by a feast of undeserved respect and it's central to the issue. It has to be faced head-on by all advocates of immigration with the mockery and derision it deserves. When you say "I'm for more legal immigration--but, don't worry, we'll screen out the bad ones." What stands out is that you acknowledge and respect the widespread fear. All statements concerning current US immigration issues will be measured by how they address the concerns about the huddled masses who Pat Buchanan would have us believe are yearning--not to breathe free, but rather to turn America into Mexico. The history and present day reality of immigrants supports Emma Lazarus and shits all over Buchanan.

Harry Binswanger answers the practical concerns best Money Quotes:
It is asked: 'Won't the immigrants take our jobs?' The answer is: 'Yes, so we can go on to better, higher-paying jobs.'
A popular misconception is that immigrants come here to get welfare. To the extent that is true, immigrants do constitute a burden. But this issue is mooted by the passage, under the Clinton Administration, of the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity and Reconciliation Act (PRWORA), which makes legal permanent residents ineligible for most forms of welfare for 5 years. I support this kind of legislation.

Further, if the fear is of non-working immigrants, why is the pending legislation aimed at employers of immigrants?

This other article by Binswanger also in Capmag is shorter and deals with the (bullshit) concerns about immigration and terrorism. Capitalism Magazine is a must-read in general.

And This one, by Steve Brockerman shovels a much needed scoop of litter onto the fear of overpopulation.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Men of the Cloth

Preachers are funny. Skippy's favorite has a boner for white America. While I prefer this guy and his graphic presentation with the smokin hot whore of babylon. I report, you decide.