Saturday, March 29, 2008


When I first started Tards Anonymous Skippy said that Acidman was the one who really deserved to have a whole other blog devoted to cataloging his greatest moments. While I couldn't quite agree with that--The one blogger who I keep digging around for that post that I read some time ago about something--that's skippy, but Acidman is important for another reason. About 4 years ago, Acidman had a post about the greatest country songs of all time and he mentioned that Roger Miller was an under-appreciated country singer. I remembered Roger Miller from the Disney Robin Hood flick, which is a great flick and if you don't remember it, you should Netflix it right now, but I decided to go on Rhapsody and check this guy out. In the last 4 years, if you could tally up all of my music listening, you would see Roger Miller's King of the Road boxed set clocking in at about 70% or more of all my music listening time since then. So, I owe Acidman a big one. His tip paid off and then some. All of you who care about Acidman should check out Roger Miller.

Here is a list of the tracks you need to hear before you can claim to know something about music, all of them are on the King of the Road boxed set which you can hear on Rhapsody, or some of you will download it some other way and some of you will go and buy it at a store. If you do any of those things, you'll be really glad you did.

One dyin and a buryin -- this is a horrible song. It's about suicide. It's really soothing. It's so wrong for a song about suicide to be so soothing. If you're into suicide, you'll love this song. If you look back on "Not in Nottingham" from your childhood, you'll recoil in horror from this song, but you'll want to hear it again. And then again, and again. It's a fucked up song, listen to it and you'll know what I'm talking about.

I've Been A Long Time Leavin, But I'll Be A Long Time Gone -- This is just simply the best fucking 2 minutes of music ever fucking recorded. If you don't agree with that, you're probably a turd-fondling kitten molester, really listen to this song and see if it's not the most fun 2 minutes you've ever experienced.

It Happened Just That Way -- This is the happiest song ever recorded. It's a close runner-up to the last song for best couple minutes ever recorded.

Dang Me -- This was one of Roger Miller's first hits. It is about fucking up everything. If you're anything like me, you know about fucking up things, and you've had a good thing once or twice and fucked it up. Anyway this is the fuck-up anthem. Listen to it with whiskey nearby.

The Wrong Kind of Girl -- How many songs have the words "...My life is so wasted on things cheap and bad." in them? Not nearly enough is the answer. Those words just rule. I really wish they had this song on Karaoke. "Dang Me" is in most bars' Karaoke books, but I've yet to see "The Wrong Kind of Girl". It really needs to be there. I would love to Karaoke this song. You all need to listen to it. It will change your life.

You Can't Rollerskate In a Buffalo Herd -- Brilliant!

Okay, the rest, I dont' have so much specific to say about them, but you should give them a listen anyway:

Invitation to the Blues
Lock, Stock and Teardrops -- Fuck you have to hear this one!!!
Poor Little John
When Your House Is Not a Home
The Moon is High and So am I!
Less and Less
Train of Life
The Last Word in Lonesome is Me (this was an old standard before Roger did it, but his version is the best)
Pardon This Coffin
Do Wacka Do (This song is retarded, but in a really good way. Give it a listen)

The majority of my music listening since that day in early '03 sometime when Acidman wrote that post has been guided by Acidman's tip, and I do owe him for that. Roger Miller has been one of the greatest musical discoveries of my life. If you listen to these tracks I've listed here and aren't impressed, you probably don't have a soul and should be sterilized and deported to some really shitty place. That's all. I have to go back to drinking now.

update: I was totally fucked up when I wrote this. I see that I put "fuck you've got to here this one next to some tracks. I don't know if I stand by that sober. I do stand by the list as a whole though. And there's many other good tracks on that set of discs, but these are the best.
Tunes: They Always Look Better When They're Leavin, by Becky Hobbs

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